Listening to the call of Purpose: Finding your true path
What is the number one topic we all find ourselves discussing?
The theme of best-selling books?
The talking point of horoscopes, tarot readings any and all supernatural resources?
Since the beginning of time, philosophers pondered its meaning. Poets and writers alike centered their thoughts around it. Painters and artists of all mediums made this their goal to discover. And so here we are with all the knowledge of time passed. All the technology to ease our daily lives. And yet we still do not understand the simple answer to what creates life Purpose.
Why are you here at this time? Our modern life seems to add even more pressure to this heavy question. Our lives are instant, full of answers on-demand, automated to help us do more, be more, push ourselves past what we knew was possible as far as technology and intelligence go. And yet it is what baffles us all. We seek countless platforms to soothe our burning desire to know what, the ultimate answer.
“How could we not know?”, we think to ourselves. We read countless books on how the author found their calling one day like the Newton apple falling on their heads. Instantly they know the answer but first subscribe to their newsletter, read their four books about finding the answer, go to their seminar, climb the mountains of the world and maybe it will reveal itself to you. They became successful with material wealth or fame after the stereotypical rock bottom. They speak of tips and hints as if it were a morning meditation away. Of course, this is with good pure intention. We look to esoteric advice in the divine beings that achieved what appears to be enlightenment. We do our yoga, meditate, journal daily and yet the apple has yet to fall from the sky to hit us with the ah-ha we’ve been looking for. It either seems so simple or too difficult, in either direction it is out of reach. And so we become obsessed. Social media, especially the beloved Instagram has fed into this obsession to the point of maddening jealousy and depression. “What am I missing?” We ask. This cycle continues for months, then years then decades. We may uncover bits of our true self through what makes us unique but it still is not quite what we view as uncovering it all.
I speak of this because this very topic affects my daily thoughts each and every day. I have woken with the worry of modern human life but in addition to these overwhelming concerns, I add the panic that I am not living my life’s purpose. I worry that my life will wither away without true meaning because I haven’t felt this awakening.
From an outside perspective, I look very aligned, living my life through art, teaching, and guiding. It has taken many years for my confidence to blossom and live this way and yet it has been empty in many ways. This lifestyle has many challenges, to say the least, as it requires much work behind the scenes to coordinate events and workshops, through hours of planning, restless nights and constant budgeting. With the many successes I have experienced I have equal the number of setbacks. This Fall felt as though one issue after another hurled itself at me through personal and emotional stress. Winter brought on new challenges, from power outages to financial struggles, it felt like a spiral of helplessness. Yes, the person who seems to have their life in perfect alignment feels farther from this than it appears. It goes to show you that life is not a checklist of completed tasks that climbs in a linear direction but more like a wave of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It is a living breathing creature that must be fed. And as you climb one ladder of challenges another appears right in front of it. This is not to scare you into thinking it is hopeless, but to offer insight into a new way of approaching life. A new way to understand what it is you are actually searching for, instead of an endpoint. it is an ever-evolving growth of the Soul.
Visual arts have always been a love of mine since I could remember, mostly as a tool I used to express my pain. It also served as a way to tell stories. I also love design, I could spend hours drooling over fabrics and materials to set a mood in any space, even creating something out of nothing, a true gift I developed in my youth. I had very little material wealth as a child but I would spend my time organizing and decorating my space to comfort my pain to create a place of refuge in a chaotic home life, I suppose it was the only true thing I could control. It gave me comfort from the harsh reality growing up. And yet years ago when I first ventured on to start my business as akela designs I thought, yes this is it! I focused on intentional home goods made by me from start to finish. I block-printed fabrics with original designs I carved, I dyed each cloth by hand using natural dyes, I sewed each button and zipper. I even recruited my husband Mark to construct tables, concrete planters, everything and anything we could create ourselves. Then I started making pouches, then hand-stitched journals. And from one idea another blossomed. Ceramics was introduced a couple of years into the journey and so I began teaching workshops with these intentional yet creative themes. Along the way, I felt so much joy that I was doing so much but I began to lose my way.
By the time the Fall of 2019 ended I began to feel the burn out of years of putting myself out there. Every time I was recognized for success it didn’t feel right. There’s a wonderful book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks I read many years ago at the beginning of my journey to creating this business. He speaks of the several zones people are placed in: the Zone of Incompetence, Zone of Excellence, and the Zone of Genius. The first zone is an unhappy one, it is doing what you are not naturally good at but you get stuck doing it anyway, others are better suited at this level and it leaves you completely unhappy. The next zone is the zone of excellence, you can do the tasks very well, it is where others see you, your family, friends, and coworkers are comfortable with you there but as much as you can succeed at this level you are not truly fulfilled, you crave something else and it leaves you feeling stuck. This is a dangerous zone because it pulls you in with its comfort, why mess it up by taking a risk? The next and ultimate zone is your Zone of Genius, this is your purpose, this is your unique set of gifts and abilities that make you, You. This is where you thrive and become the person you are within. Life is full, it flows with ease, it is where it all aligns. The only problem is is that it takes courage to take such a leap out of a very comfortable situation to live in this zone. The outside world doesn’t always see your true path the way you can visualize it so many of us stay where we are good, not great because we live in fear of the unknown.
But the most comforting thing about living your highest truth is you already know what it is. Again I apologize for speaking the same statement of arrogance many self-help authors preach, as if it were that easy but listen to what I have to say. I know this to be true deep within my soul. When you go back to the place, very far back as a child, think 5 or 6 years old, long before you were tainted by the negative real-world thoughts, before you felt real judgment, before most of us had to worry (and for some you may have never had such a place because of the adults in your life, you still have this but you must dive deeper) we were whole beings with unique talents and abilities. You were drawn to doing an activity or phrase that resonated with you so deeply you believed it deep within your soul. Maybe you wanted to help people so you played nurse or teacher or the idea of a therapist before you knew what that actually was, or maybe you wanted to create a toy house because building was so fun and you obsessed with the idea of how you build it, daydreaming for hours about the tools you would use, or maybe you drew or colored pretty dresses, you told stories, you played with your mom’s makeup stealing it every chance you would get, you practiced karate or drums and couldn’t wait to do it all over again tomorrow. These activities carried with you for years and some fell off because the adults said it was silly or your singing annoyed them. Someone told you you weren’t that good at it or that you would never make money at it so pick another fantasy like doctor or lawyer as this was respectable (and for some of you doctor or lawyer could have been the pretending you did that you did love). At some point you lost the drive, you were criticized by those that were part of the “real world” and you gave in to what you should be. For some of us who weren’t fully closed off to our true selves, we received flickers of inspiration throughout the years. And so we got stuck in doing what we should do, going to college, picking a respectable major of study, finding jobs with good pay and benefits, being what our family, friends, and spouses wanted us to be. And it didn’t work, now we stand completely numb and confused. Only knowing something isn’t quite right, that we must fix it somehow. Before it’s too late.
Maybe it’s arriving at the ripe age of 30 when you realize your life is flashing before your eyes. Maybe you witnessed great tragedy or loss that made you see that life is precious gift that should be treated as such, maybe it’s your own child’s pure happiness and fullness with life that gives you a different lens in which to see the world but you are here and reevaluating the purpose of your life at this time. When I look at my own experiences I know that the one true love I have always had has always been writing. I journal every day for much of my life. I wrote poems as a child and as a young adult. Story-telling has always captivated me. Writing has always been a form of communication whether it be a letter to truly speak of my deepest feelings to another or to cope with pain. There is one pivotal movement that sticks out to me in my life that shows how deep this love runs through my veins. One moment that changed my life in the blink of an eye.
The day of September 11, 2001. I remember the feeling as though it were yesterday: my stomach pitted with hopelessness, an eerie stillness floating in the air, I sat in a state of shock and disbelief. I felt a deep connection to an energy greater than myself that II had disconnected with many years before.
Only a few months prior my family and I were living in Brooklyn NY, both of them still worked in NYC even after relocating to Beacon, NY a small city in the Hudson Valley about an hour and 15 minutes North of the city. My father luckily hadn’t left for his train operator shift for MTA but my Mother wasn’t so fortunate. She worked only a few blocks from the Twin Towers. There I sat in my 8th-grade classroom as they rolled in a television cart. They showed a local news broadcast. Both towers had been hit. I sat in disbelief. Time seemed to melt as I sat in anxiety, as fellow students were being pulled out one by one. No cell phones at the time to know if my parents were okay, no way to know anything other than some horrific events were happening to my home city. As soon as the bell rang for dismissal I raced home as fast as my legs could carry me. I do not remember that span of time, it was about a 30-minute walk. I probably got home in half the time as adrenaline set it. I ripped opened the front door to the living room and there stood my panicked Mother and my disbelieving father. I didn’t want to even admit such a traumatic event was occurring. Every channel was flooded with the devastating images of the rubble, debris and depressing statistics. My mom still covered in ash, she shook and repeated her account from her journey out of the chaos. It felt like the worst nightmare I could imagine. “How could this be happening?”, I thought. There was nowhere to turn without the horrific images and words seeping into my young fragile mind. “Could we be going into war?”, My mind thought again. Nuclear crisis was surely next, as more anxiety-ridden thoughts flooded in came to me, I sat in the silence in my room. I had never felt so much fear for the future. My room felt like a safe fortress from it all padded with my thoughts to protect me. The only thing I could pull myself to do was write, and write I did. I didn’t stop, I don’t remember lifting my pen once, it flowed out of me with otherworldly knowledge and insight. It comforted me until I cried. I collapsed onto my soaked pages with tears streaming down my face. I could finally rest another night, not sure if I would live another day. I do not even remember what I wrote, I do not remember much of that week or month or anything really around that time, all I know is it saved my life. It was as natural as my breath, it was part of my very being. This was the first of many events that pushed my Soul into growth. My life began to crumble from the outside as I grew into adolescence. But I had my healing practice with me along the way. It was my savor.
And so I write this not just for you but as a source of advice. I write this as a reminder to myself on finding my Purpose. I have always known but was too afraid to follow the breadcrumbs. I allowed a couple of critical English teachers that were only doing their duty to tell me they didn’t understand my writing style, that I spoke in a way that wouldn’t be received well, they nitpicked my grammar, they focused on everything but the content of what I was trying to say. I felt ashamed that my technical abilities in grammar and spelling lacked as I compared myself to the AP students in high school. I felt as though that even if they possessed more technical ability they lacked the soul of the story. My words were not for this purpose, they were always to evoke emotion, to speak to the masses by taking complex spiritual themes and digest them in an approachable manner. They were stories of the Spirit transcendent of time. They were from my Ancestors, my people, the burdens of the past. I have goals and one is to write a novel. It feels as far-fetched as any other dream; like becoming a billionaire or famous actor. What is the point of having a dream if you do not attempt to make it a reality? If this girl from humble beginnings can create small success from her creations as an artist and small business owner why can’t she write her truth? And if it were easy what would be the point? We all have unique talents and gifts we were born with and placed on Earth at this time for the very purpose to use them for the greater good. When you shield yourself from this purpose you are denying yourself but you also denying the good you would be doing in the world around you. Our gifts can be more than just creative, they can be to heal the world as nurses, police officers, lawyers, grocery store owners, yoga instructors, chefs, researchers, and scientists in our community. When you align with this purpose the Universe helps you find a way to realize your potential. It starts with baby steps. It starts with one class, one blog, one client, one product, it starts with one decision that this is your path and no one else’s. You make sure you guard your path like a mother lion protects her cubs, you tell only those that will support you, you cradle its early development just like a child keeping it from cynical naysayers that are only there to smother your dreams. You keep it safe and feed it daily. You visualize its full potential. Make sure it comes from a place of pure love with only the most well-meaning intentions. This is how you grow your Purpose. Care for it each and every day. It will take time to mature but it won’t be long until you see the growth.
“They ask to describe the feeling,
This era
They ask to place it
In words.
Compare it to a cave
Walking from its depths.
Clinging onto walls
Knowledge only of touch
Without light
Lacking evidence
Unsure of the path.
Fearful,
But warm belly
Filled with hope.
Trusting of self
Each emotion
Casting their turn.
Not knowing if sane.
Alone,
Or so you think.
You reach
And there another,
Same flesh
Extends to you.
At this time
It is feeling
Alone,
Where heart directs.
You to listen.
Keep forward,
She says.
This is what they ask.
”
You’ll know it’s your Purpose because you never tire of it. Your thoughts bring you there in your daydreams. It feels familiar, it feels like home. It doesn’t feel like work even after hours of dedication. It flows out of you. This is not to say it won’t be difficult at times, it won’t challenge your every being, it might feel like a lonely road no one understands. But the rewards are always worth the travel.
May you connect with your truest and highest path.
-Akela Hudson
